I've been walking through steady and consistent changes for a long while now. I call it all growth and I do things to encourage myself to continue on. At present, though, I feel like someone who is graduating from something. It's time for a commencement exercise and appreciation for what has come before me. I have decided to take this summer just for me, to treat every day as if I am on vacation...perhaps take some day trips...go to the beach...maybe write another book. I want to be able to look back at the summer of '12 and say, "Yes, that's where it all began."

I haven't ever heard of anyone doing something like this, but that doesn't mean that it isn't a fine idea. 

I have spent the largest part of my life raising children, nursing elders, teaching and guiding people who wanted help, and volunteering my services. I have no regret at all, and still intend to lend a helping hand as I feel called to do so. I'm simply choosing a different priority now. It's time to go play while I am still able. It's time to concentrate on being alive for the sheer joy of it all...not because I am responsible to care for someone, or owe some debt (even of gratitude) to anyone. There is much to be said for duty. I do not see duty as an ugly word at all. My sense of duty kept me going in some very rough times. Fulfilling that sense of duty has caused my shoulders to square and for me to stand at full height at all times. I earned my own respect.

Now, though, it's time to graduate from duty and responsibility. It's time to live for the sheer joy of it all. I've met my own standards. I say that with a touch of surprise because my standards are high, as anyone who tried to stay close to me found out. I'm fussy about my values. They wouldn't be called values if I wasn't.

I have become the person I wanted to be! I didn't know if I would make it in this lifetime, but I was determined to try. I succeeded! No one need know the depth of my joy as I recognize that, but it is important to me that I celebrate and celebration means having friends to celebrate with. 

  As I let go of responsibility, grin with me please. I'm going out to play! It's time for a summer break! 

 

 

I just returned from Savory Spice Shop on Spring Steet in Princeton, NJ, but feel as if I have time traveled. There is an old world quality to the shop that is delicious. I was reminded of a general store, like those I have seen in old western movies. From the tin ceiling, to the counters and the shop aprons, there's an old fashioned flavor that is very calming and satisfying. The aroma therapy alone, upon entering the shop makes the trip worth the effort.

 

 

Savory Spice Shop is a family owned and operated enterprise. Jon and Janet Hauge, their son Alex and daughter Olivia all work in the shop, but they also employ four local community residents, including one Princeton University student Brian. Fran and Alix are Princeton residents and Jaqui lives in Hillsboro.  Fran was working while I was there and said it's hard to believe that today is the shop's fifth month anniversary because the time has passed so quickly. Jon and Fran shared stories with me about the construction of the shop and events leading up to it's opening. Fran was as warm and enthused in her participation as Jon was. When Fran said she loved working there, I grinned, for she glowed enough that the words were simply affirmation of what I saw. Fran told me with pride that Jon designed the layout of the cabinets that created the special country store quality, but Jon insisted he had a lot of help.

Jon Hauge, like his wife Janet, is an experience in himself. Janet bubbles with enthusiasm and exudes starlight from her eyes even at mid-day. Jon, a walking encyclopedia of spice, has a most calm and unassuming demeanor. In answer to questions he tells stories of interest as easily as he conducts his tours and classes. When I asked Jon what lead to his interest in spices, he replied, "I like to eat!" From childhood he liked chili and spicy foods and began doctoring food to suit his taste from a very early age. Nine years ago during a trip to Denver, Jon saw the original Savory Spice Shop when it had just opened. Two years ago when the company he worked for asked him to move to Wisconsin, he and his wife decided it was time for Jon to follow his heart and he began the research needed to set up suppliers. What Jon didn't know was relatives of his in Denver knew the owners of the Savory Spice Shop there and spoke to them. The owners contacted Jon and offered him a franchise. More than twenty hours of phone conversations took place before Jon decided that was the best route to take. It meant that he would be able to distribute a quality product without the long hours of research and dealing with suppliers and would have far more freedom to interact with customers. 

Before the shop even opened Princeton Adult School asked Jon if he would be willing to teach some classes. Once the shop opened groups asked if he would offer tours of the shop. Limiting groups to 15, Jon did so, and was doing so as I entered his shop. As I listened I was impressed by the wealth of knowledge he has about everything in the store from its origin to its use.

 

 

As Jon explained that tomato powder could be reconstituted as tomato paste without any waste, one customer commented "Your prices surprise me! They are less expensive than (brand name) at (local grocery store)." 

 

 

I asked Jon how the spices are sold and he explained they are weighed and placed in baggies as small as two ounces or as much as a pound, but if someone wants a jar of spice it can be purshased in a four ounce or two ounce glass jar.

If you want a most tasteful experience and to add some spice to your life, head to Spring Street in Princeton. Jon, his family and his staff will be glad to assist you and even offer new ideas that will add delight to your meals.

I had a friend,. He was the neatest guy! We were compatible in the extreme. Now we don't relate by my choice. He acted really badly and lost my trust. 

I imagine we have all "been there" "done that".  I'm seeking a way to honor what was even as I heal from what occurred. I am admittedly clueless, but this does seem like a positive use of my time. Right now it's all about me. I am not fond of such times. The great thing about friendship is the interest in the other person's well being and in the creation of an US. That stuff is really fun.

Right now there's just a me. No US. No friend. The word traitor comes to mind. I suppose it fits. It's happened plenty of times in the past with both friends and relatives. I don't bother trying to figure out why people who were once loving turn around and act condescending and controlling. It's too dumb to understand. I have no respect for it. Once it occurs, the friendship is over. Friendship means sharing. It means you and me in the trenches together or laughing and dancing in the rain. It's not about playing "Top this" or looking for a weak spot in order to take advantage. It's about unconditional love.

There's not a lot of that stuff around lately; have you noticed? 

We are all replaceable. No one is indispensible. While there won't be another just like him, there will be other friends to love and feel loved by. I know that. I'm not indispensible. He will have plenty of people to be close to. Just not me. I can't decide how others will treat me, but I can decide how I won't allow myself to be treated.

There's not a lot of consolation in that thought. I miss what was. It's gone now..poof! in a flash. I already cried. A friendship dying is a genuine loss. It leaves a hole.

I used to be able to tell my friend anything at all. It was a most incredible experience to have. Now? Well, I am more open with others, and I am blogging about this, so something good will come from the experience.

Losing a friend this way, though, is painful...at best it's awkward. I am glad he's still alive. I'm not glad that he treated me badly...so the him I knew who loved me has died. 

Broken trust. Lousy stuff, huh? We all go through it. Some of the surprises in life hurt.  But all hurt eventually passes and we grow stronger as a result of experiencing it. I don't know why that is. It just is.

Friend. the word is really special to me. A friend is like another self...a different self with different strengths and weaknesses, but another self nonetheless. So I lost a large and wonderful part of myself this week. 

I have a slew of lovely memories. Those won't die. 

 

With humor and affection author Sylvia Brown-Roberts brings her readers inside the mind of a real Christian, one who is totally human and fallible, yet devout. Behind Church Doors should be required reading for those who are religious yet not spiritual. 

 

Sylvia Brown-Roberts is a most joyful woman with a smile that would open any door! I have met her on more than one occassion and spoke with her as if she were an old and dear friend each time. She radiates! She's a powerful example of letting your light shine. This delightful woman wouldn't know how to write a dull story!

Doctor Doug Elwood is the father of two young boys and a squirrel named SQUEEKS. What's not to love? I met Doctor Doug at the Princeton Public Library's Local Authors' Day. I met his beautiful wife, too, but she was camera shy (I'm certain because she didn't want to upstage the doc, the boys and SQUEEKS.)

Did I mention SQUEEKS is a squirrel? Ah, yes.  Well, then you understand my special attraction. Not only is he a most handsome squirrel, he's a traveling squirrel! THE ADVENTURES OF SQUEEKS THE EXPLORER is available as an app for an ipad. The app allows children to interact with SQUEEKS and even to upload a picture of themselves so they can travel with him! At present SQUEEKS is visiting New York, but Doc Doug told me he's heading to Philadelphia, Washington DC, Boston and yes, Princeton in the near future!  I will be sure to have a cache of nuts onhand for that event. As far as I know Squeeks is a single squirrel. 

Meet SQUEEKS. Go to gosqueeks.com and see why my heart is a twitter.

Old friends call me G.G. (Gangsta Grandma) and newer friends call me GiGi (a far more refined grandma) but make way because there is a bright witty young and pretty GiGi in Town!

I met Gigi Arnold today at the Princeton Library where she took part in Local Authors Day. Her book STRUNG OUT introduces Charlotte (Charlie) McGhie, food critic, single mom qnd tennis addict. Where else will you find humor, murder and three to die for recipes in one book! 

GiGi is no new comer to the writing scene. She has already authored 24 children's mysteries for the Sneaker Seekers mail mystery series and has written several mystery screen plays while she lived in LA after graduating from NYU graduate film school. Like Charlie, Gigi plays on several competitive tennis teams including USTA. Her research for her book included instruction from a criminal defense attorney and a retired FBI agent. Charm, wit, good looks, credentials...who could ask for more!

I packed a salad into my computer bag this morning. The lady who runs the restaurant downstairs at Princeton Public Library has given me permission to sit at the tables there at lunchtime. Consider this: a salad cost $6.00. I have one a day. I come to the library at least 6 days a week. That's a savings of $36 a week or $144 a month. I'm buying that lady a large box of chocolates for Christmas! She's made it possible for me to enjoy my winter in Princeton. 

I have a senior citizen card, so bus fare is half price for me. That's $13.80 a week to commute from Trenton, or $55.20 a month...cheaper than buying a monthly bus pass.  For that price I get full use of the library here including free wifi. There are technicians who will help with any computer problem I run across. If my computer dies there is a plethora of computers here that I am free to use. 

At present I am in a most comfortable chair and have my feet resting on a hassock. I can sit at a table or get a private desk. There's a wealth of information at my fingertips, not only on the computer, but in the incredible inventory of books here. The maintenance personnel keep the place spotless and everything in good repair.

People from all over the world use this library. Because it's just down the street from Princeton University, I cross paths with some of the finest minds in the world, and am probably meeting and interacting with future world leaders. Michelle Obama went to Princeton University.  Einstein lived here. 

The Princeton Arts Council is across the street. The Princeton Learning Cooperative meets in that building. I've been invited to take part in activities there. I'm a member of the  Princeton Public Library TedX team. Opportunities to engage in interesting projects are frequent.  It's important for me to offer back to the community that so often meets my needs with no charge to me. 

I rent a room in Trenton, but I do my living in Princeton. 

Most of my writing recently has been limited to writing in my journal each morning, keeping a poetry notebook and sending email to a couple of friends.I'm walking through some major changes, and at such times I tend to be less prolific. Since I keep in touch with others through Twitter and facebook, the only one who may notice any difference in my output is me. 

Yesterday after meeting a young man at Princeton Public Library and having him "friend" me on Twitter, I wound up visiting a blog I kept in 2009 and read the posts there. I was surprised at the content and quality of what I read.  http://gangsta-grandma.blogspot.com/ 

If someone were to ask me to describe my life in one sentence, I would say, "I lived very intentionally." Although I am an Intuitive and do seek guidance and direction through prayer, I don't just drift through life.

I've been walking through a bit of upheaval recently as I try to get documents in order to prove my identity. That is not as simple as it sounds.  As I have been doing so, I have revisited some very poor past experiences. I suppose we all have some things we would rather forget, but in my case there were so many traumas that I had to dig to remember chunks of my life. I went through therapy for five years for PTSD.  The therapy worked just fine and I got a lot out of it. I know it worked well because I feel so good about who I am today that when I look back and dig around I am at times horrified by many of the things that came at me. The necessity to at times explore my memories in order to heal further is not new to me. This time around, though, I am seeing something very different than I have seen before. I have always seen how God held me up and many miracles that occurred so I would survive. What I hadn't seen, though, was my personal value. Having been mistreated so often by so many my sense of personal value was negligible. 

That has changed. I'm fine...better than fine most days. I have all sorts of gifts and now, since time has passed, talents. I have not only survived a lot, I have been creative in that survival and helped a lot of people along the way. In a world that blames the victim, I had a great deal of difficulty getting any real or lasting help, but I took whatever help I was given and ran with it. I found most often that the same people who helped me were the ones who acted condescending toward me and resisted me feeling better about myself. Very often they taught me lessons in how to deal with people who attempted to treat me poorly, or denied my worth, and I had to apply the lessons they taught me to my relationship with each of them.

I learned that the phrase thank you paid all debts, whether those who wanted to act as if they owned a part of me believed that or not. I do not owe my life to anyone. It's mine and always has been. I wasn't raised in an environment that offered that lesson, but I know it. I don't own the children I gave birth to. I never tried to own them. They don't choose to love me or to relate to me, and that choice is theirs.

Love is a choice. It's a decision we make from moment to moment. 

Today I love myself well.

 

 

I can remember not so long ago when I used to write a blog post daily and thought nothing of it. Now I have a lot less to say, but smile more often. Perhaps there's a correlation between the two. I think quite often of "Be still and know that I AM". Then I grin.

I do listen to the workings of my own mind, and find that it's usually trying to figure out how I can get somethng I want, or worrying about losing something I already have.  Shutting it off and simply being still seems like a wise move. Then I start to grin, and decide whether it's wise or foolish, I have never felt better.  A growing sense of well being is always welcome in my life.

I used to have a poster on my kitchen wall above my sink when I was a young mother. It said HAPPINESS IS NOT HAVING WHAT YOU WANT, IT'S WANTING WHAT YOU HAVE. It helped to remind me to pause and be grateful for what existed in my life. I delighted in my children. I didn't realize as I was pausing to soak in the moments, I was creatng memories.

NOW I can understand why old people can sit and rock in the a chair in the sun and smile sweetly without being the least bit demented! Peace coupled with joy is wonderful to experience.

I am not at all done making memories and know that this is one of those quiet times in my life when I am soaking a lot in. I get so caught up in the present moment so often, I forget the past!